


by the glint of a sword

by emptyheadspace



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, Catra Redemption Arc, Domestic Fluff, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Moral Dilemmas, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Platonic Relationships, Temporary Amnesia, catra gets hurt and gets amnesia, more like friends to enemies to friends to lovers, queen angella is still gone and the whole portal thing happened, scorpia is a princess here, shadow weaver never came to bright moon and remained in the horde
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24165313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptyheadspace/pseuds/emptyheadspace
Summary: Catra gets knocked out in a fight and loses her memory. She forgets who she is, and everything about the war between the Horde and the Princesses, but she remembers a name and a face: Adora.What happens when she accidentally bonds with everyone she's supposed to be fighting against in the time her memory fails to recover?What happens when her memory comes back and she has a make a decision of whose side to be on?Most of all, will Adora and Catra ever find their happy ending, or is their story just another tragedy lost to the times?
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), some bg scorfuma
Comments: 55
Kudos: 601





	1. where it all goes down

**Author's Note:**

> personally I have a grudge against the amnesia trope in shows and movies, but even I can't deny that it makes for some very angsty and fluffy fic potential. 
> 
> buckle in, this is about to one hell of a ride.

Another Horde bot exploded, sending rampant sparks flying a distance away.

The explosion knocked back a couple of Horde soldiers, giving the princesses time to advance their line of attack before more bots came into the clearing. The mission was simple: get as many Horde bots as possible, hold the line, and watch each other.

Ice shards rained down on a cluster of bots, incapacitating them just long enough for a flood of water to bash them into the thick mesh of trees behind them. The sad electronic croak signalled their well-deserved demise. Mermista nodded to Frosta, and they parted ways going after the soldiers. 

A distance away, Bow jumped and spun, firing arrows with mechanical efficiency. They hit their marks, deactivating their targets. He leapt just out of the way of a robotic leg crushing down where he stood moments ago, as Perfuma hoisted the stray bot up into the air and slammed it down with her vines. She shot Bow a concerned look, but he nodded back a determined one of his own. Together, they moved to help the rest tackle the stream of seemingly endless Horde bots.

Netossa and Spinnerella were working in perfect sync. Spinnerella whipped up a strong aerial attack, disorientating bots long enough for Netossa to net them. Glimmer, Sea Hawk, and Scorpia worked on tackling the bots and deactivating them through the nets, the trio working with a deadly efficiency. There was no stopping them, it was just destroy the bots, protect the forest, keep the soldiers from pushing them back. They didn’t need more of the Horde plundering around in the forest and advancing the territory.

Meanwhile, there was a small commotion drawing further and further away from the main fight.

Adora leapt nimbly out of the way, rolling just out of reach of the flying debris. 

Before she had time to recover, a figure leapt out of the bushes, driving her claws down into the grass when Adora rolled out of the way. Catra swiped at Adora, not allowing her to recover between blows. There was a hard look in her eyes. A fire raged through her veins and the single-minded focus in her eyes was clear: take Adora down.

Adora held her own, blocking and dodging every blow with her sword. She had grown to anticipate Catra’s fighting stance during their years of sparring in the Horde, and even now she found familiarity in their exchange of blows.

Catra drove Adora away from the clearing, and they both sank deeper and deeper into the woods. The undergrowth was getting thicker here, affording Catra more places to jump from without Adora predicting her every move. It was getting harder to find her footing as she rolled around and knocked into bushes. 

Not to mention that Catra was more agile and faster than she was, but Adora had power and strength on her side, especially when she was She-ra. She was bigger and stronger. She just needed to get her hands on Catra first.

She continued rolling and jumping, waiting for a window of opportunity.

As long as Catra was keeping up this speed, she would eventually tire out and then Adora could throw her off balance.

She just had to keep on evading for the time being.

Meanwhile, Catra was keeping her pace up pretty impressively.

But she was starting to get pretty agitated.

She was no in the mood to talk or banter or exchange witty insults today. Shadow Weaver was already on her tail for failing to reign in Adora, not to mention all the shit Hordak was going to give her if she goes back with nothing but destroyed Horde bot parts.

Now Adora was in the middle of all the foliage with nowhere to run.

She leapt.

Adora ducked, sending Catra sailing clean over her head.

This was her chance.

Adora grabbed Catra’s ankle and swung with all her might.

Before Catra could even register what was happening, her entire trajectory had changed and she was sent flying into the bushes.

The ugly thwack resounded through the trees, and the forest went silent.

Adora got to her feet, heart pounding in her ears.

But no Catra leapt out of the bushes, ready for another round.

The forest remained quiet.

Had she really just taken out Catra?

Now, all Adora needed to do was get back to the clearing and put her sword through the last of the Horde bots. The rest seemed to be holding their own quite well, but she felt responsible for turning the tide. 

She started towards the clearing, turning back occasionally to check if Catra was going to dig her claws into her from behind.

Even then the forest remained eerily silent, save for the explosions in the distance.

It was at times like this that Adora wished she could get her head out of her heart.

“Catra?” 

She couldn’t see where Catra was, and there was no response.

Adora tightened her grip on her sword. She looked left and right, whirling around every time she thought she heard a sound.

This could very well be an ambush.

She picked her way through the bushes, slowly making her way to where she was certain Catra had fell. She was half-expecting the force captain to jump out of nowhere and launch a surprise attack on her.

_ But Catra could also be hurt _ .

Adora didn’t know which option sounded worse.

“Catra?” she tried again.

No response.

Then she saw an arm sticking out from behind a bush.

Her heart dropped.

“Catra!”

Catra was sprawled out on the ground in front of a tree. Her mask had been knocked off her face by the impact of the throw, and her hair had fallen all over her face. Her foot lay twisted at an awkward angle. 

Worst of all, she wasn’t moving.

“Shit, Catra.” 

Adora rushed over, checking for a pulse, for breathing, for  _ anything _ . Her own heart was pounding in her chest.

_ Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay. _

The shallow breathing was not a good sign, but at least it meant that she was still alive.

Adora couldn’t help but heave a sigh of relief.

Even then, Catra laid unconscious.

_ She must’ve hit her head _ .

Adora tried to comb through Catra’s hair, a mess of twigs and leaves and dark strands, but she couldn’t see anything in the dim light of the forest. They were too far from the clearing to be receiving ample light.

She grunted in frustration.

“Catra!” She tried to shake Catra awake.

Catra was bleeding, cuts littered across her arms and face. Small trails of blood smeared across her skin and her hair, stark against her skin. 

_ Shit, I did this _ . Adora’s hands started to shake.

She was the one who hurt Catra.

“ _ Adora _ ?” A distant voice called out, snapping her out of her panic.

They were already looking for her.

“I’m here!” Adora yelled back. “I need help!”

What was she supposed to do? She couldn’t leave Catra’s side.

“Adora!” The voice got closer, a sharp call of panic. “Where are you?”

Shit. Adora tried hoisting Catra onto her back. Without the struggling Catra usually put up in a fight, she was easy to lift up, lying limp like a ragdoll. She carried her with ease, struggling to make her way back through the dense bushes.

No way was she leaving an injured Catra alone in the woods.  _ The sun was going to set and who knows what creatures will be roaming the forest and the Horde won’t be coming back for her and she’s going to be here alone lying in the dark and- _

“Adora?” Glimmer emerged from behind a tree. “You’re okay!”

“Yeah, I am,” Adora said, with Catra hanging from her back.

“Please tell me that’s not who I think it is.” Glimmer rushed forward.

“She needs help,” Adora stated plainly. “She’s injured.”

“She’s the enemy!” Glimmer exclaimed a little too loudly, gesturing wildly a little too close to Adora’s face. “We can’t just bring an  _ enemy _ back into Bright Moon.”

“But she’s injured!” Adora protested. “She could die out here.”

“Maybe that’s for the best,” Glimmer muttered, crossing her arms. Seeing Adora’s face sour, she felt an immediate pang of regret saying it, but she was not changing her stand.

A flash of anger struck Adora, but she sighed and pressed it down. Glimmer had the right to be angry. This was the Horde. This was their  _ enemy _ . There were things Catra did that she could never forget, and would take a lot to forgive, but Catra could say the same of her.

“Glimmer, I know she’s our enemy, but we can’t leave people to die whenever we want to,” she tried to reason. “That’s not what we do.”

“Are you really going to take pity on her?” Glimmer spat, her eyes hardening with a quiet anger and something else.  _ Hurt _ . “Even after all the horrible things she’s done to you, to me,  _ to us _ ?”

There was hatred written all over her face. 

Adora paled. She couldn’t deny the fact that Catra had been behind many of the disasters that happened in the recent past.

The attacks on innocent people. The invasions. The sea wall. The fights. The explosions. The bots. The destruction. The portal. 

And Queen Angella.

Adora’s face fell.

All of it, she had been there through  _ all of it _ . She was there with a cruel smirk and that cold laugh that pierced Adora’s skull every single time. A shadow of her best friend, no longer filled with happiness and warmth and comfort. Only rage and hate.

Was she really going to take pity on the enemy? Was it really pity she was feeling? A thousand emotions were charging through her mind right there and then, but she couldn’t think. She couldn’t figure anything out. There was a thousand words she wanted to say. A thousand words she might not  _ ever _ be able to say.

She didn’t want to think about what it would be like if she never got to see Catra again.

If she never got a chance to make things right between them.

“Leave her.” Glimmer’s expression softened. She reached out for Adora’s hand. “Let’s go.”

Adora looked down.

“I can’t.” 

Glimmer looked up at her. 

“She was my  _ best friend _ ,” Adora said. “I’ve already left her once, I can’t do it again.”

Glimmer opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

An awkward silence hung between them, neither one moving.

“She can be of use to us,” Adora said quieter. “But not if she’s dead.”

Glimmer frowned, but she gave in.

“Fine, but we’re keeping her locked up.”


	2. an unexpected guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they've won the battle, but will they win the war?

A wave of cheers erupted in the clearing.

The Horde soldiers were retreating!

There was high-fives all around and excited voices overlapping each other.

Someone kicked up dirt at the retreating figures with a whoop.

Bow and Perfuma were hugging each other and screaming.

Mermista and Frosta exchanged a high-five with their powers.

Scorpia and Sea Hawk fistbumped.

Spinnerella and Netossa exchanged a long hug.

It was sheer chaos and an absolute giddy high for all.

It’s been so long since they had a win. 

And it felt so good to finally have one, even if it was a small one.

They finally got a  _ win _ . They got a victory.

After everything that’s happened in the past month or so, their spirits had taken quite the beating. Grief and loss had clouded Bright Moon for long enough. Everyone had been moving around in a haze, uncertain of what exactly they were supposed to do next. Everything had been so unreal, like a flash from a dream long forgotten, or a memory faded in the back pages of their minds. There were ghosts in the corridors of the castle and voices whispering to them at their darkest moments, to remind them of the people they had lost and the battles they ran away from hurt and scared.

It had taken a while for everyone to heal on their own, but now they were back. They were back together. They were back twice as strong. They were back with renewed hopes and a war to win. The fire had been reignited in their hearts. They were back to fight for the people, to fight for light and hope and everything that was good. They were back to fight for everyone they’ve lost, for everything that they’ve left behind, and for each other. 

They were allowed to celebrate this one small win.

“Where’s Adora and Glimmer?” Bow looked around. Other than a few cuts and scrapes from rolling around in the grass, he was feeling on top of the world right now. 

They’ve  _ won _ . 

“There!” Perfuma pointed to two figures emerging from the undergrowth.

The group charged towards them, ready to throw their friends a whoop and a cheer of victory, to announce that they’ve won the battle.

And then they saw the limp figure hanging from Adora’s back.

Smiles faltered. Everyone stopped in their tracks. Fistbumps dropped midway.

Frosta dropped into a fighting stance, ice encasing her fists. 

Weapons were poised at the ready.

The tension in the air had visibly picked up.

“Relax guys, she’s knocked out,” Adora said a little quietly, as if she might wake up Catra if she was being too loud.

“What?” Bow made a series of gestures with his limbs, as if he couldn’t quite figure out what kind of gesture could cover his response to this new development. “What is happening?”

“Adora knocked her out, we’re taking her back as a hostage,” Glimmer explained curtly.

A pang of guilt shot through Adora.

The tension eased a little, but the air hung still in the clearing.

So many questions hung in the balance. Everyone exchanged little glances between one, ones of worry and doubt and uncertainty. 

“Are we supposed to just accept this?” Mermista spoke up.

What did this mean for them?

“This is still a win, guys,” Glimmer continued, her voice weary from battle. A small smile formed on her face. “We did it.”

Bow wrapped his arms around her in a hug.

She sunk easily into his embrace, returning the hug. The warmth wrapped around the two of them, and for a moment Glimmer could forget the pain and the exhaustion. 

She was so tired. But she was proud.

They had done it, they really have.

And with that, everyone felt the wave of exhaustion wash over them. 

Glimmer looked around at everyone, at all her  _ friends _ . Some of them had cuts and bruises in multiple places, their faces covered with mud and dirt. Some of them clutched onto limbs that had been grazed in the fight, little aches and pains that would plague them in the nights to come. Some of them bent over to their knees, trying to catch their breath.

They had come so far. And they had risked everything trying to do it. 

It was time to go home.

The sword glowed with a light so bright that it washed over the whole room.

Adora poured all her focus into it, willing the sword’s power into the healing light. She could feel the energy charging through her very being and out through the sword in a concentrated beam. It filled her up until there was nothing left but light and power and an overwhelming sense of calm.

Right there and then, she was She-ra. She held power, the power to heal, and the power to kill. Every time she held the sword, she was painfully aware of the responsiblity that came with being She-ra. It wasn’t something she talked about often, the weight that came with being She-ra, but she thought about it often enough.

But right now she had no time to think.

Time was running out. She had to heal Catra before it was too late.

There was a slight humming in the way the light fell over Catra’s limp form. It pooled over her limbs and enveloped her body, the liquid light molding to mesh against her wounds and cuts. Finally, it wrapped around her head, and the light seemed to double in intensity, warping and moving until it grew so bright that even Adora had to close her eyes. 

This was it. She was close.

Adora pushed the light deeper into Catra. She could feel the pain hovering below the surface, shooting and twisting through Catra’s limbs and very being. The light grabbed onto these tendrils of pain, swallowing and changing them until they were no longer there. The light climbed higher and higher to fill Catra’s head, eating up the pain that resided there too.

When it was all over, Adora was fighting to catch her breath.

Catra was good for now.

She didn’t awake, but her breathing had steadied.

Even the cuts on her face were gone.

Adora sighed in relief.

She wasn’t sure what she would do if Catra didn’t heal.

For the first time in years, Adora took a good look at who she once called her best friend. The memories came rushing back into her head and punching her in the gut. Catra had grown so much since they were back in the Horde, just a stark reminder of how long the war had been going on. There was no longer a smile on her face, one that she used to save only for Adora and the time they spent together. In its place was a frown, the face she put on to face the world. The face she put on to make it in the Horde. 

This was the face of someone she held nearest and dearest to her heart. 

Adora thought of how long Catra was alone in the Horde. How long Catra had to put on a tough face and pretend that she was okay. How long Catra went on without anybody to talk to. All while Adora found her new home, found new friends, and made an enemy out of Catra herself.

How did it go so wrong along the way?

How could she just leave Catra back in the Horde?

How could she abandon someone who made her feel like her world was a little less cruel?

She had so many things to say.

But nothing came out of her mouth when she tried.

Even then, Catra wouldn’t be awake to hear it anyway.

Adora rested a hand on Catra’s face, brushing the dirt away from under her eyes and from her hair. She didn’t know how long it would be before Catra would wake up, but by then she would no longer be the peaceful, resting Catra that lay before her now.

She would be the Catra who hated that Adora brought her back to Bright Moon instead of leaving her in the forest. The Catra who would hate that Adora had thrown her against the tree. The Catra who would absolutely hate Adora for besting her in a fight.

She would hate Adora.

This was too much.

It had been a long day for everyone, her included. She hoped she had made the right choice bringing Catra back here. She didn’t know what the rest thought of it now, but she was certain that it must have caused some sort of uproar. The journey home was silent, a mix of tension and happiness and relief. Nobody had said anything, presumably for her sake.

Maybe she was not that great at decisions after all.

She would have to face Catra in the morning, if she was even awake by then. And she would have to answer to her friends. She owed them that much at least.

Adora got up, ready to turn away.

A weak voice called out behind her.

“Adora?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I update every week, so stay tuned.  
> I know the show doesn't really show the aftermath of the battles they fight, so I wanted to encapsulate the emotions and feelings and physical implications of what happens after they fight, and for Adora after she comes back from using her powers as She-ra.
> 
> tumblr - emptyheadspace [for more works and requests]


	3. a split second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra wakes up. Everything is not as they seem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not watched S5 but I soon will.

“Adora?”

Adora whipped around just in time to see Catra trying to get off the bed.

“Catra!” She rushed back to the bedside, relief flooding back into her. “You’re okay.”

She braced herself for a dismissive reply. Or an insult. Or a witty remark. Or a desperate bid of kicking and fighting and an escape attempt.

“You’re Adora, right?”

That was not the response she was expecting at all.

“What do you mean I’m Adora, who else would I be?” she asked, a little confused.

“Where is this place?” Catra tried to get off the bed once again. She was swaying.

“You’re in Bright Moon,” Adora explained, trying to keep Catra from falling straight off the side of the bed. “You were injured, I had no choice.”

“What’s Bright Moon?” Catra looked at Adora, the confusion on her face clear as day.

“Catra…” Adora said slowly. “ _ What do you mean what’s Bright Moon _ ?”

“My name is Catra?”

Adora paled.  _ Oh no. This was bad, really bad _ .

“Yes, do you remember anything at all?” she tried. 

“I just-” Catra threw her hands up. “I just remember the name Adora.”

Adora was incredulous. A sense of dread was filling her up quicker than she could think of what in Etheria was going on. Catra doesn’t remember Bright Moon. Catra. 

“What about the princesses?” Adora pressed.

“Princesses? Like, fairy-tales and stories?” Catra raised an eyebrow. She looked around the room, and then leaned in. “Am I dreaming right now?”

“No!” Adora fell back in exasperation, her frustration threatening to tear out her own hair. “What about the Horde?”

Catra stared at Adora. She shook her head very slowly.

Adora wanted to scream.

_ No, no no no, this is not how it was supposed to go _ .

“Okay, do you know who I am?” Adora tried a different approach.

“I know you’re Adora,” Catra replied, bringing her knees up to her chest.

“Anything else?”

“I...remember your face?” Catra said slowly, leaning in closer. She was really close to Adora’s face right now.

“Oh no.” Adora sunk back onto the floor. “You don’t remember anything.”

Catra shrugged sheepishly.

“We have to remedy this,” Adora said. She grabbed her sword. Maybe the sword could restore memories. She wasn’t exactly sure, but she had to try.

“That’s a really big knife,” Catra said, pulling back a little. “What are you trying to do?”

“Come nearer, this isn’t going to hurt.”

“What are you trying to do to me?” Catra shouted again, a little louder this time.

“You need to remember,” Adora said, lifting the sword to begin her transformation.

Catra screamed, and leapt out of the way. She knocked over Adora in the process, and the sword went clattering to the ground a distance away. Adora fell to the ground with an oof, just in time to see Catra scrambling out the door.

_ Shit! _

“Catra, come back! I’m not trying to hurt you!” Adora yelled, running after her, still holding onto the sword and waving it around.

“Help!” Catra yelped, running through a really long corridor. “A madman is trying to kill me!”

She didn’t know where she was. Every corridor she turned down looked pretty much the same, and there were an unholy number of doors. What kind of place needed so many _ doors _ ? She had to find someone,  _ anyone _ , to save her from this psycho named Adora that she knew  _ nothing _ about.

“What’s the commo-” 

Catra slammed into an emerging figure.

“You!” Glimmer shrieked.

“Save me!” Catra shrieked back, clambering all the way behind Glimmer and into her room. 

“What the f-”

Adora crashed into Glimmer.

“Adora, would you mind explaining to me what’s going on?” Glimmer crossed her arms, gesturing at a very scared Catra hiding behind her bed. “ _ Why  _ is she on the loose?”

“It’s a long story,” Adora sighed. “She can’t remember anything but my name.”

“It’s clearly a trick,” Glimmer sighed.

Glimmer marched into her room and dragged a flailing Catra out by the arm, dumping her on the floor outside in the corridor.

“Speak,” she demanded. “We know you’re acting, Catra.”

Catra blinked. This new and shorter girl was scarier than Adora.

“Fine, we’re just going to throw you back into the room all night until you decide to speak,” Glimmer declared, moving to grab Catra again.

“No, wait! I don’t know anything,” Catra protested, jumping back to her feet. 

“Stay back!” Glimmer yelled, ready to blast Catra at any second, a shimmering glow building quickly around her raised hands.

“You have powers?” Catra yelped, terrified but also morbidly curious at the same time.

“Wait, she genuinely doesn’t remember anything,” Adora leapt in front of Catra. “I know it, she’s not lying.”

“Uh, thanks?” Catra said to the girl who was clearly just trying to murder her a moment ago. Talk about mood swings.

“Shh! Not helping,” Adora whispered.

“Fine, let’s say this whole amnesia thing is real,” Glimmer said. “Why not just fix it with the sword?”

“The sword doesn’t return memories,” Adora said. “Besides, I think the sword caused this in the first place.”

“What do you mean?” Glimmer slowly put her hands down.

“I remember reading about how the healing powers work, it fixes what is broken and undoes all the complications,” Adora explained. “What if it undid all the complicated things going around Catra’s mind or something and made her well, like  _ this _ ?”

Glimmer thought long and hard.  _ This could not be happening _ . She finally said, “Yeah, as if Catra would have anything that complicated on her mind besides fighting and insulting us.”

Adora made a face.

“But,” Glimmer caught herself. “I trust you as long as you’re sure.”

Adora looked down at her feet. 

“Thanks, Glimmer.”

“I’m still here,” Catra said.

“We haven’t forgotten,” Glimmer scoffed, giving Catra a speculatory once-over.

“What do we do with her now?” Adora asked.

“Go to sleep, try to put her to bed, just do something about her,” Glimmer sighed once again, rubbing her temples. Her head was throbbing and she was in desperate need of sleep. She could feel the sweet call of her bed from all the way inside her room. “We’ll come together in the morning and figure something out.”

“What about you?” Adora asked.

“I’m going straight to bed, do not wake me again,” Glimmer murmured, closing the door behind her.

Catra and Adora were left standing in the silence of the corridor.

“You need to sleep,” Adora said.

“I heard her,” Catra replied, still warily glancing at the sword in Adora’s hand.

“Well, I’ll bring you back?” Adora said.

This was mighty awkward.

“How am I supposed to sleep when nobody is telling me what’s going on?”

“It’s a really long story, and I’m really tired,” Adora said.

“Then...can I at least come with you?” Catra asked.

Adora stared at Catra.

Her expression was almost... _ scared _ .

“Like, you want to come and sleep in my room?” Adora asked back.

“Yeah, since you’re the only thing I remember,” Catra said. “You wouldn’t leave me alone, right?”

Adora blinked. 

“This way.”

They walked back through a trail of twisting corridors and past about thirteen doors (Catra counted) before they reached her room. Catra followed behind her obediently, neither of them saying a word. It was quite possibly the longest walk Adora had ever had in a very long time.

“Your room’s really big,” Catra remarked.

“That’s what I thought when I first came here.”

She looked around the place. There was a soft light coming from one of the lamps on the side. A huge bed piled with cushions of every size occupied the center of the room, a large drape covering the bed from the light. The walls opened onto a breathtaking view of the starry night sky aside.

“Woah.” Catra darted over to the balconies and leaned over the edge. “We’re so high up.”

“Yeah, you always did love heights.” Adora smiled, and for a moment she could see Catra again. The Catra she knew who loved heights and everything about being high up.

“You know me,” Catra said quietly. It was more of a realization.

“Yeah, yeah I do.”

“How long have we known each other?” 

“Ever since we were kids,” Adora said quietly.

“That’s a really long time.” Catra mulled over Adora’s words.

Adora nodded, climbing into bed. It had taken her a bit of time to get used to the bouncy, soft, cloud-like quality of her bed, but now it welcomed her like a warm and cozy hug. She lay down in bliss.

“Woah! It’s bouncy.”

Adora nearly got tossed off the side of the bed.

“Oops.” Catra smiled sheepishly, having just leapt on and thrown half the pillows off.

Adora froze, and then she laughed.

Catra laughed.

Then they were both laughing.

Everything felt normal for just the splittest second.

For a split second, Adora could forget the Horde, the princesses, the war. She could forget being She-ra and being a hero and being the saviour who everybody was counting on. She could forget the pain and the loss and the heartbreak. 

_ This is not the Catra you know _ , Adora had to tell herself.

“Get some sleep,” she said.

Catra looked around, trying to figure out how the bed situation worked. Then she settled for curling into a ball near the foot of the bed, right next to Adora’s legs.

Adora’s heart sank. This was how they slept in the Horde.

“Goodnight, Adora.”

“Goodnight, Catra.”

Catra fell asleep, slipping into a dreamless state easily. For once, there were no memories swirling around her head, no emotions plaguing her restless mind. Just, nothing. A vague swirl of voices called her from far away, but everything was hazy. Unclear shapes and sounds slipped in and out of her sight, trying to bring her back from the brink of sleep, but she couldn’t sense them anymmore. She was finally sleeping good.

Adora on the other hand, could not sleep a wink. She lay trying to squeeze her eyes shut but they flew open every so often. Then she would hear Catra’s quiet breathing and feel the warmth of her weight against her feet. In her mind, she was transported back to the Horde again. She was Adora, the soon-to-be force captain. The Adora who lay awake plotting strategies and swallowing a hate for the princesses. The Adora who pillaged and attacked innocent people.

But she was also the Adora who loved the warmth of Catra beside her at night. She was the Adora who would look for Catra perched atop all the highest lookouts in the Horde. She was the Adora who stood up for Catra, the two of them against the world.

She shook her head. She couldn’t go back.

What was she going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I update every week or more, so stay tuned.
> 
> tumblr- emptyheadspace


	4. you have to trust me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Catra has an outburst and Adora is there to catch her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished Season 5 and I am hella emotional. That ending was Everything.

“Please don’t tell me we’re just going to let her run around like that.”

Glimmer and Adora turned to stare at a very curious Catra bounding around the room, pawing at every single new thing she saw. She swiped at the holograms and tried sitting in every seat, yelping every time a new projection appeared on the table before trying to push it back down into the table again.

“At least she’s harmless now.” Adora shrugged.

“We can’t even get anything out of her now,” Glimmer sighed in exasperation. “I know she was your friend, but we can’t afford to  _ babysit _ her now. Not with Horde Prime coming.”

Adora’s face turned grim at the mention of the name.

“I don’t know, she’s kind of... _ cute _ ,” Bow offered (unhelpfully). “She doesn’t seem like she could do much damage here.”

Glimmer shot him a look.

“Uh, but she could still be dangerous, and she’s the enemy, of course,” he coughed.

Catra slipped off one of the chairs in the background, bringing down a bunch of things with her as she crashed to the floor.

“What are we going to tell the rest?” Glimmer asked. “They’ll never let her stay.”

Adora sighed. That was going to be a problem. 

“We can’t just let her go back to the Horde,” Adora said. “It’s too dangerous for her there.”

“Adora, I know she was your friend but think of everything she’s done to  _ us _ ,” Glimmer said with a frown. “You don’t have to try and save her. Not everyone can be saved.”

Adora gave her a tentative look.

Glimmer wasn’t angry or frowning anymore. She looked  _ concerned _ . And she was. Adora looked like she hadn’t got an ounce of sleep the whole night. She was jumpy and her voice was heavy. Her eyes were clouded over with exhaustion. She was clearly more than worked up about this Catra situation.

And Glimmer wanted to try to be understanding, she really did. She wanted to be there for her best friend, but with Catra in the equation, she could feel old wounds reopening. She had worked so hard to move on, to put away her pain and fight for what’s right. This was Catra, this was  _ The Horde _ .

“I promise to watch her,” Adora said. “It won’t hurt to have her on our side.”

“You can’t be serious,” Glimmer said in disbelief. “Bow, tell me you’re hearing this.”

Bow looked between Adora and Glimmer nervously. Adora was staring at him with an awfully hopeful look in her eyes, but Glimmer was staring right through him, calling upon years of friendship and him having her back.

“Tell her, Bow!” Glimmer shook him. “Tell her what a bad idea this is.”

“I don’t know...she doesn’t seem that dangerous to us now,” Bow replied, looking back over his shoulder to a Catra seated all the way on the other side of the room, quietly thinking to herself. “Maybe we should give her a chance?”

Glimmer narrowed her eyes.

“Yes,  _ and _ she could be of help to us,” Adora said. “She’s proved herself to be a capable fighter, we could stand to have her on our side.”

“What if she remembers everything suddenly?” Glimmer made a jab. “Whose side is she going to stand on then?”

“Why don’t you just ask Catra herself?” Bow proposed. He had to say something before he was going to lose consciousness from Glimmer shaking him alone.

Adora and Glimmer fell silent.

All of them turned to look at Catra.

“Why are you all looking at me?” she asked defensively. 

“Do you want to stay here or not?” Glimmer demanded, slightly threatening.

“First off, I have NO idea what is going on,” Catra retorted, her ears shooting straight up. She was seriously about to lose her patience. “None of you are telling me  _ anything _ , and it’s killing me not knowing who I am or where this is or who any of you are!”

All three of them stood in silence. None of them knew how to respond. They hadn’t quite considered that Catra would still be...quite how Catra would be like if she remembered nothing. And Catra from what they knew was, quite angry.

“I know this must be hard for you, Catra.” Adora reached out a hand to Catra. “But you have to understand that this is a very important decision for us.”

“No. No you don’t!” Catra swiped her hand away, her voice rising into a hiss. “You don’t understand what it’s like. You don’t understand how not knowing feels, how scary and confusing it is! None of you understand!”

And with that, she bolted out the door.

None of them knew how to react for a very long while.

“What do we do now?” Glimmer said quietly, breaking the silence.

“I’ll go talk to her,” Adora sighed. “She’s my problem.”

“Adora.” Glimmer rested a hand on her shoulder. 

“I have to do this.” Adora gave her a look.

She darted out the door after Catra.

“What are you looking at?” 

It had taken her a good many minutes of searching the extensive corridors and corners of the castle, but Adora finally found Catra seated in an alcove furthest away from the meeting room, her knees tucked into her chest. It overlooked the spire holding up the moonstone, its opalescent glow amplified by the morning sun. It was a glorious swirl of colors and light and unlike anything Catra had ever seen, and she was trying not to be so captivated by the sight, but she was.

“Nothing.” Catra shifted to face away from Adora. “Leave me alone.”

“You know I can’t do that.” Adora moved closer and sat down beside Catra.

Catra said nothing.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Adora breathed, looking down at the stone too.

She had always wanted Catra to see Bright Moon, to see the vibrant landscape so filled with life and joy and fresh sights and sounds that the Fright Zone never had. She knew Catra would be as amazed and full of awe as she was the first time she laid her eyes on this place. And now she was finally seeing it alongside her. 

But it wasn’t the Catra she knew, and Adora was painfully aware of it. Every second she spent laughing with this Catra, she was just reminded of the old Catra and everything that had happened between them.

Catra nodded. She didn’t remember a thing, but she knew that the moonstone was the brightest and most colorful thing she had ever seen in her life. There was an unexplainable sense of warmth blooming in her chest, and she couldn’t quite take her eyes off how shiny and magnificent the stone was.

“Bright Moon is one of the kingdoms of Etheria,” Adora explained. “And that’s the moonstone.”

Catra was listening intently, but she still remained silent.

“I know you’re dying to know everything about yourself, everything about me and this place,” Adora offered. “And you will get to know in due time, but for now I just want you to  _ trust me _ .”

Catra turned around slowly. She hated not knowing, not remembering. And most of all she didn’t understand why Adora was the only thing she remembered, but it must’ve been for a good reason. She knew nothing about her, but there was a comfort in her heart every time she saw Adora smile, every time she heard her talk. A sense of familiarity, and warmth. She didn’t want to admit that deep down she knew she trusted Adora, she didn’t want to admit that she trusted this stranger, but she did.

“Fine,” Catra relented. “But I want to know one thing first.”

“Hm?”  _ Oh no. _ What if Catra wanted her to explain about something she had no idea how to respond to? What if she asked about the war and the Horde or something she overhead from Glimmer’s not-so-hushed whispers? What if she asked about  _ them _ ?

“What does that giant stone do? It’s so shiny,” Catra breathed out. 

Adora blanked. Then she laughed.

“What’s so funny? I just want to know!” Catra folded her arms and pouted.

For a moment, Adora saw Catra. The Catra from when they were younger. The Catra that pouted after Adora knocked her down in a fight and gave some petty excuse about being content in second place. The Catra that made jokes and insulted Adora’s hair. The Catra that laughed about stupid things and put up with Adora’s stupid things.

It was a Catra she hadn’t seen since she left the Horde, a Catra she hadn’t seen in years. And it was a Catra that she missed. Every night she would think about that Catra, and think about what she had left behind. 

She missed Catra. She really did.

“I’ll show you, but do you really promise to trust me?” 

“No promises, but I’ll definitely think about it if you show me something really cool,” Catra responded, her ears perking up.

Adora laughed again.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I update every week, so stay tuned!
> 
> tumblr- emptyheadspace


	5. faces from the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra meets some faces from the past. She doesn't remember them.

“So she doesn’t remember me at all?”

Scorpia moved closer to the very confused Catra, reaching out a pincer. She tried searching for any sign of recognition in her eyes, but there was none. 

“What are you trying to do to me? That thing looks  _ very _ sharp.” Catra scooted back and away from the approaching pincer. “And can you tell me where exactly we are again?”

Catra looked around the room. The place had strange glowy walls and tanks containing liquid after liquid that she did not quite want to know the names of. A cluster of screens dominated the center of room, flashing pictures and numbers and the occasional photograph of places she didn’t know. There was a table, multiple actually, lined with pieces of shrapnel labelled with names and dates she didn’t recognize, boxes of tools strewn across the tabletops. She picked up a stray screwdriver lying next to a box. She quickly put it back down when something metallic twitched from inside.

A soft beeping sounded throughout the room every few seconds, and it was strangely calming. She thought it sounded like a heartbeat. But what was not calming was the various robot parts lying around scattered on the floor. Cameras and chips and disks piled up in random corners, forming what she assumed were disassembled robots. She shuddered. 

Scorpia watched as Catra moved all around the room. 

She hadn’t seen Catra since she left the Horde months ago, but it had felt like years. She could never forget the sadness and the disappointment and the loneliness staying in the Horde had given her, but she had tucked all of that in the past when she found her new friends, the princesses. She had been blind all along, willing to be the Horde’s little soldier in the war, but now she was different. She was  _ Scorpia _ , Scorpia the princess, and the Scorpia who would look out for what  _ she _ wanted, as well as look out for her newfound friends.

But the one thing she never really could leave behind was Catra. Catra, who pushed her away and betrayed her trust. Even then, she missed Catra. She would think about all the rare little moments that Catra would laugh and smile and roll her eyes trying not to show her amusement when she spent long enough with Scorpia and Entrapta. It was the three of them against the world, and Scorpia would’ve been happy staying in the Horde like that.

Yet Catra did betray her. She betrayed Entrapta. And Scorpia couldn’t quite bring herself to forgive that yet. Even if she really, really wanted to.

She had always wondered what she would do if she ever faced Catra again. Wondered what she would say. Wondered what Catra would say. 

But she hadn’t really expected it to go like...this.

“I’m sorry, Scorpia.” Adora bowed her head. “I couldn’t restore her memories.”

“Why are you sorry, Adora?” Scorpia stood up and walked over, putting her arms over Adora. “This isn’t your fault.”

Adora wished she could feel the same way. She felt the guilt chipping away at her every time she looked at Catra. Like something eating away at her heart and her conscience. She couldn’t quite forget the lifeless form lying on the forest floor, or her weak voice when she first awoke. She was responsible for this. She hurt Catra.  _ She _ threw Catra at the tree. She-

“Thank you for telling me first,” Scorpia said, finally releasing Adora from the tight hug.

“I thought you should know,” Adora replied quietly. “You were there for her in the Horde when I wasn’t.”

“We can still fix this, Adora.” Scorpia offered her a small smile.

The two of them turned to Catra.

“Would anyone mind telling me why she looks like a scorpion?” Catra ears twitched in curiosity.. She had slinked closer to Scorpia, poking at her and staring.

“It’s a family thing,” Scorpia clarified. “Ooh, wanna see?”

Scorpia extended her tail and waved her pincers around. She mimed a little scene of whipping around and slashing at an invisible enemy with gusto, then picking them up in one swift move. She threw the imaginary figure off into the distance, miming an explosion and doing a little victory dance.

“I gotta admit, that’s pretty cool,” Catra stated, a small smile creeping onto her face.

“Really?” Scorpia perked up. “You think this is cool?”

“I mean, yeah!” Catra exclaimed. She pointed to Scorpia’s tail. “Scorpions are cool and dangerous and deadly and poisonous, you could just take anyone down with a swipe of that.” 

“Oh, thanks!” Scorpia beamed.

“I thought you would’ve forgotten what scorpions were.” Adora’s face twisted into one of confusion and thought. 

“Apparently not.” Catra shrugged. “It just stuck with me I guess. Must’ve been a particular stubborn memory.”

“Hm.”

A rogue purple figure swung into the room.

“Someone called. I don’t know who called. But I came anyway because someone said something about a- Catra?”

“Catra, yes, it is Catra.” Adora stepped aside to let Entrapta take a closer look.

The scientist wasted no time in swinging around and poking and jabbing at Catra like she was a new specimen. She pushed Catra down into a reclining position on a stray piece of furniture and set to work immediately, pulling out various instruments of varying sizes from around the lab. It was a sight watching her work, even if Adora and Scorpia didn’t quite understand what each of the instruments did. Entrapta wasted no time in explaining.

“Hey, ow!” Catra protested. “Watch it.”

“Subject log 001, subject seems to be overtaken by a sudden onset of memory loss, temporary or not to be determined by the symptoms exhibited gradually over the coming weeks. It appears to be caused by blunt trauma to the cranial area, characterized by inability to recognize people and places and confusion. This is very, very fascinating,” Entrapta launched into an excited ramble, holding her recording device up with one ponytail. “Further tests must be conducted to determine the effect of She-ra’s sword on memory recovery, or memory loss. Or memory retention. I’m not sure which, but we’ll find out!”

“Can you cure her?” Adora stepped forward.

“I’m monitoring her brain activity as we speak,” Entrapta said, her voice muffled as she dug around in one of the many boxes. “Memory creation and retention levels seem to be stable, so does speaking and moving and processing words.”

“Who is she again?” Catra whispered, shifting uncomfortably under the scrutiny.

“You don’t remember Entrapta?” Scorpia asked, her face falling a little.

Catra shook her head quite absolutely.

“Fascinating.” Entrapta leaned in. “No cognitive recognition presented in the subject’s eyes even when prompted.”

“Personal space, please.” Catra leaned back. She looked over to Scorpia and Adora in terror. “Why are you letting her do this to me?”

“Entrapta, are you okay with doing this?” Adora asked. She wasn’t quite clear on exactly what happened back in the Fright Zone between Catra and Entrapta, but Beast Island was telling enough.

Entrapta’s expression remained unchanged. Adora thought she saw her waver for a second, but she continued tinkering with the wire prod she had attached to Catra’s neck.

“Yes, the science never stops,” she said, turning away.

“You can talk about it if you want to, Entrapta,” Adora prompted.

“Catra doesn’t remember me,” Entrapta added, her voice evening out. 

She didn’t say anything more, so Adora let her be.

Entrapta continued prodding at Catra, earning little yelps and grunts, mostly of confusion. Eventually, Catra stopped resisting and let the scientist lift her arms and spin her around and attach scary devices to her.

“Can you find out what’s wrong with me?” she asked.

Entrapta turned to look at her. She smiled wider, and put her mask on.

“Potential trauma from the hit could be the cause of her memory loss, but I’m picking up  _ signals _ not unlike the ones emitted by First Ones tech,” Entrapta announced. “Not unlike She-ra’s sword.”

Adora handed her the sword.

Catra shrunk back. She got nervous every time she saw the sword. And who was She-ra anyway? She had always assumed it was the tall, glowy woman Adora became when she yelled some phrase with a frankly excessive sense of determination, and nobody had bothered to correct her so far.

Adora must’ve noticed her apprehension. She leaned in.

“Don’t worry Catra, we’ll figure out why you can’t remember anything,” Adora said, laying a hand on her. “We’ll figure it out together.”

“Thanks, Adora,” Catra said. That was the first time she had used Adora’s name to address her. And it felt strangely familiar. As if she had said the name Adora over and over again, like the name was ingrained in her being and somewhere deep in her memory where it couldn’t be taken away.

“Does this mean the sword can reverse it?” Scorpia asked.

“Nooooot necessarily.” Entrapta plucked out the devices. “It may be the very thing that’s _ causing _ her memory loss. And I can’t do anything about it!”

“What?” Adora paled. “What do you mean you can’t do anything about it?”

“All that’s left to do is wait,” Entrapta said. “This shouldn’t be permanent. Or I hope it shouldn’t be permanent. I don’t quite know.”

Adora sunk lower.

Scorpia looked worried.

“So I’m stuck like this maybe forever?” Catra yelped. “This cannot be happening.”

“I’m sorry, Catra,” Entrapta said as loudly as before, not quite meeting Catra’s eyes. “I can’t fix it.”

“It’s okay,” Catra tried to be civil, but there was no hiding the disappointment in her eyes.

Entrapta whizzed off around the lab, picking up all the spare parts and tucking everything back into their boxes. She pushed her bug mask over her face and busied herself in a corner of her lab, working on another one of her prototypes with her back to everyone else.

“So, what now?” Catra spoke up after a long moment of silence.

Adora and Scorpia turned to give each other a look.

This was not turning out how they expected it to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I update every week, so stay tuned!


	6. time for some introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra needs introductions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly feel like this chapter could be better, but this'll have to do for now.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this.” Gimmer shook her head. “And so early at that.”

Maybe if she shook hard enough she would wake up from this nightmare. Everything felt like some surreal fever dream, but it was very clear that it was Catra standing beside her. The one and only Catra. Catra of the Horde.

Glimmer was trying very hard not to look at her. She could feel Catra fidgeting beside her, and it was interrupting her thoughts in a very frustrating manner. It didn’t help that she had to deal with Catra’s presence in the castle already, but what made it worse was that Catra didn’t even remember her. And for some reason, that riled Glimmer up more than Catra herself ever could, and it was killing her not knowing why.

“Me neither,” Adora murmured.

This was not how she pictured introducing Catra to the rest of the princess alliance to be like. She couldnt’t say that she hadn’t dreamt of a moment like this when Catra would finally realize that the Horde was using her, had been using  _ them _ , and would finally come back to Adora. But this. This was  _ not _ how it was supposed to go.

Catra shifted nervously from leg to leg, her ears shooting up at every little sound in the courtyard. She was dressed in new clothes, a red blouse and pants from Adora, instead of the tattered uniform she was wearing when she woke up a few days ago. The blouse was just a little too big, and the pants a little too tight, but it felt strangely endearing. She didn’t know why she had a uniform out of all things on when she awoke, and why nobody else was wearing anything like it, but she decided that she would bring it up at a better time.

Adora would explain it everything she was ready. 

The sun was coming up quickly, bathing the elevated courtyard in a golden sheen. It illuminated the gigantic moonstone at the front of the castle, shooting all sorts of colors Catra had never seen before through the gem. The sky was slowly lightening, the shadows creeping retreating as the sun climbed higher and higher into the sky. 

Seeing how Catra was so entranced by the morning sun, Adora couldn’t help but think about how she had been too preoccupied with everything to admire little things like this. All that’s been on her mind had been the war, fighting, strategy, the Horde, people getting hurt, everything that weighed down on her shoulders and kept her nights long. It was as if she had forgotten how beautiful the morning sun was, how colorful Bright Moon could be, and how good fresh air felt compared to the smog she had been breathing all her life in the Fright Zone.

She had forgotten how to be grateful for the little things.

“Is everyone here?” Bow called out, mentally checking off faces in his head as he looked out at his friends lined up in front of him.

“Why are we up so early?” Mermista grumbled.

“And what is  _ she _ doing here?” Frosta added on, still unwilling to let go of her defensive stance despite the numerous times Adora had ensured the ice princess that Catra no longer meant any harm. 

“We’re doing introductions!” Bow announced, trying to ease the growing tension amongst their friends. “Proper introductions.”

Someone groaned. A few of them looked around nervously.

“Are you serious?” Mermista couldn’t quite believe her ears.

“Why do we need to introduce ourselves?” Perfuma was more confused than anything.

“Especially to  _ her _ ,” Frosta pointed out, death glaring Catra’s way.

“ **_GUYS_ ** .”

Everyone turned to look at Bow.

“We’ve talked about this.”

The day before, they had all been huddled down inside the war room, trying desperately to make sense of this mess and what to do about it. After many disagreements and mismatched votes, everyone had come to the consensus that Catra could stay, but nobody was going to talk about the war or the Rebellion or the Horde until they could make sure that they could trust her. Everyone had agreed to said consensus, even if it involved a lot of crossed arms and reluctant grimaces. 

Catra surveyed the crowd. She was trying desperately to whip up a memory,  _ any _ memory or recollection of these people. Was she supposed to remember them? Everyone seemed close, and talked with an easy camaraderie, so why couldn’t she remember them? Had she been friends with them? Why would she have woken up here if she wasn’t? It hurt her head thinking about these questions.

The talking in the courtyard grew louder. It felt like everyone was currently staring at her, and it wasn’t helping her ease up. They were talking about her, like she was an alien, like she wasn’t there.  _ Like she wasn’t supposed to be there. _

“Don’t worry, Catra.” Adora lay a hand on her shoulder, snapping her out of her rampant thoughts. “You’ll find out soon enough who everyone is.”

“Thanks.” Catra put her hand over Adora’s hand. It brought her a sense of calm amongst her whirlwind of thoughts. 

“Okay, I’ll start the ball rolling!” Bow declared, pumping enthusiasm into his voice. He turned to Catra, an uneasy look in his eyes.

She looked back at him, equally uneasy.

He just needed to introduce himself, set an example for the others, ease the tension. He could do this. As he started to talk, he started to loosen up.

“I’m Bow, and I love arrows and tech. I like playing the violin, and I would like to think that I’m a very optimistic person,” he said, offering Catra his best rendition of a bright and comforting smile. “I don’t have any special powers or anything but I can shoot a mean arrow.”

He was very well aware of who Catra was, and what she had done. But nobody deserved to lose their memory, not even Catra. He couldn’t even begin to understand what she was going through, waking up in an unfamiliar territory with unfamiliar people and no grasp on what was going on and who she even was. It sounded like a nightmare, one that he wouldn’t wish upon his worst enemies. 

“And I’m Adora, you probably already know that but I have the sword and when I have the sword I transform into She-ra and it gives me powers, and I guess I’m a princess, like all the other princesses here.” Adora gestured to all the other princesses, who were more than wary of Catra. “I guess I’m kind of a leader around here.”

Catra nodded, trying to take it all in. 

“I’m Glimmer.  _ Queen _ Glimmer.” Glimmer crossed her arms, asserting her position with a firm voice. “This is my kingdom, Bright Moon.”

Catra nodded slower, as if wanting her to go on.

“I have powers too, I can teleport and shoot light out of my hands,” Glimmer continued, her powers flaring up slightly threateningly.

Adora gave her a look from afar, and she simmered down.

“Cool,” Catra said.

“I’m Scorpia, we’ve met.” Scorpia stepped up to the front, offering her widest smile.

She couldn’t help but remember the day she left the Horde and joined the Rebellion. Everyone had treated her with the same amount of distrust and caution, and it was hard to feel like this could be her new home. Even with an optimistic outlook, she could only hope that she could make friends here, find trusted allies, make a place for herself. She could only imagine what Catra was going through now. Not only was she unfamiliar with anyone here, everyone seemed to harbour some sort of hatred towards her. Which she couldn’t really do anything about, but what she could do was to try and put the past behind her. To remind herself that this was Catra, but a Catra who didn’t remember her.

“I have these big pincers, and I can shoot red lightning out of them. I’m a princess too.” 

Catra tried not to look too impressed.

Scorpia smiled.

“I’m Perfuma, and I can make plants grow.” Perfuma produced a flower in her hands and handed it to Catra, who took it tentatively. 

She had to agree with Bow. Even if Catra was supposed to be their enemy, Perfuma would never wish this upon her. She was going to be kind to anyone, even if they did try to repeatedly attack her friends and herself. 

“What’s this?” Catra asked, slightly confused.

Perfuma gasped. “Have you never seen a flower?”

“I’m not sure…” Catra squinted at the pink flower, poking at its petals cautiously. She wasn’t quite sure what it was for, or what the color of it was even called, but it was kind of pretty. “I don’t remember it if I did.”

“This must be remedied immediately!” Perfuma exclaimed, thinking of a million and one ways to get Catra acquainted with nature immediately as Scorpia pulled her back into the line, giving the others a turn at their introductions. 

“Mermista,” Mermista stated.

“And…?” Bow encouraged.

“I control water,” she added, unamused. She did not break eye contact with Catra once during the whole process, her face scrunched up into another grimace. 

Catra shuddered. She didn’t like the sound of that.

“And I’m Sea Hawk!” Sea Hawk announced, hands on his hips. “This occasion calls for a SEA-”

“Here we go again,” Mermista groaned, holding onto Sea Hawk’s shirt to keep him from bursting into spontaneous sea shanty.

“Okay!” Bow called out nervously. “Who’s next?”

“I control ice.” Frosta swung dangerously close to Catra, pointing an ice fist in her face. 

Catra shrunk back, moving behind Adora.

Glimmer smiled in spite of herself.

“ _ Frosta _ ,” Adora said. “Play nice.”

“Fine.” Frosta returned to the line, still staring at Catra the whole way.

The line continued, moving on to Netossa and Spinnerella, then to Entrapta, and then Huntara. There was a talking horse, to which Catra was quite baffled about. She couldn’t quite wrap her head around that idea. Since when did horses talk?

“Is a talking horse normal?” She nudged Adora.

“It’s normal around here.” Adora shrugged. “I found Swift Wind when I became She-ra, and he kind of just stuck around.”

She was trying to absorb all this information. She thought introductions would be able to help her conjure up memories, but nothing was coming up. She stared unhelpfully at unfamiliar faces and unfamiliar voices, trying to hold on to whatever train of thought was thrown her way whenever someone spoke, trying to grab onto the line and reel in any memories. But there was nothing. Her mind came up blank.

As if she knew what was on Catra’s mind, Adora leaned in and whispered, “It’s okay, I know it’s a lot to take in now, but you’ll figure it out in due time.”

Catra could only nod, hoping that there was truth in Adora’s words.

“So, I’m not a princess right?” Catra whispered back. She didn’t quite fancy the idea of being a princess for some reason. 

“Nope, definitely not a princess.” Adora shook her head. What would Horde Catra have said if she knew that she just asked Adora whether she was a  _ princess _ ? It was amusing to think about on one hand, but concerning that Catra didn’t even remember what a princess was.

The sun was inching high into the sky now.

Everyone had visibly relaxed, the tension from earlier in the morning gone. People were talking to each other, exchanging smiles and jokes. Nobody was quite paying attention to Catra anymore, and somehow that put her more at ease than when everybody was scrutinizing her before. When she looked at all the faces, a small sense of hope crept into her system. Maybe she could relearn life in Bright Moon again, maybe she could build relationships again.

Maybe there was hope for her yet.

She felt the sunlight wash over her.

“Thanks Adora.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I update every week, stay tuned.


	7. fight me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra hears a sound. She goes to check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhhhhhhh this was originally supposed to be more angsty but I decided to end it on a slightly more hopeful yet also room-for-angst note

Catra wandered through the halls of the castle, her footsteps resounding through the long corridors and high ceilings. She had pretty much accustomed herself to the layout of the place, having studied every door, every colored glass mosaic, every twist and turn, every pillar, and even every little slat that let in sunlight through the walls. She didn’t know what to think of the castle, except that it was very, very big. She hadn’t been outside its walls either, so she didn’t quite know what to think of Bright Moon yet. 

She had been trying to occupy her mind by flooding her senses. She touched everything, smelled everything, listened to everything, talked to everything, looked at everything. Everywhere she turned was a new and different sensory experience. Maybe something would remind her of anything, and even if it didn’t, she still wanted to get used to her surroundings by herself. She didn’t know why she still felt an overwhelming sense of unfamiliarity with the place, as if her memories were really totally gone. What if she never got them back?

It had been a week since she had woken up. 

A week, and nobody had explained anything to her yet. 

Everybody seemed to be busy. Every time she woke up, Adora was already rushing off to the room with the hologram table and all the other princesses. Catra would watch as she went, ushered in by the short one named Glimmer and the cheerful one named Bow. She didn’t quite know who they were to Adora, but the three of them seemed to be really close. 

Then again, she didn’t quite know who she was to Adora either.

She knew she must’ve been close to Adora, for her name was the only thing that remained when she woke up. But there was something Adora wasn’t telling her. Sometimes they would have these moments where Adora would laugh and talking would be easy and comfortable, but there were as many awkward and tense moments as those, as if Adora was holding something back. There was a pause, a hesitation behind her eyes when she made eye contact. Plus, she was always rushing off, making some kind of excuse, as if she was _avoiding_ Catra. 

She kept telling herself that she would wait for Adora to be ready, but she didn’t seem to be making any progress.

 _What had happened between them_?

Even today, the castle seemed empty as usual. Nobody was out in the corridors. She briefly wondered why the place had so many rooms if there was nobody to live in them. Most of the rooms weren’t occupied, and although the princesses came around for their daily morning meets in the room, they weren’t staying in the castle permanently from what she could gather. Most of the other princesses had their own kingdoms, so those that were staying in the castle included Adora, Glimmer, Bow, and some of the staff. It made the castle feel very big and empty.

Catra strolled down on of the corridors on the higher levels. She preferred being this high up, not only did she get to see the kingdom of Bright Moon below through the balconies, nobody quite came up here to bother her. Not that she was averse to talking to the others, but she didn’t quite know what to say every time someone approached her looking to start a conversation.

 _Thud_.

She whipped around. Nobody was there except the doors that all looked the same.

She could’ve sworn she had heard a strange sound coming from one of the rooms. The problem was, all the doors were closed, and she did not see anyone coming up here.

 _Ponk_.

She made a face and turned around.

This was probably a bad idea, but the sound was only getting louder.

 _Piak_.

Straining her ears to listen for which room it was coming from, Catra tried to identify the sound, or sounds. This was the first time she was hearing something like this. It was almost as if someone was...fighting. Or running up the walls. Either way, it was strange.

Catra tried all the doors. 

All of them were locked except for one.

She carefully opened it, lest someone jump out and attack her.

 _Adora_? 

Adora inhaled, closing her eyes for a second. She was elsewhere now, in the middle of the clearing, a pack of Horde bots advancing towards her on all sides. It was do or die. She was She-ra now. She had all the strength and all the power she needed. But she still needed to be careful about this. Everyone was counting on her.

Then she ran. In the next seconds she flew into the air, a blur of motion racing across the room, her face contorted into one of focus and determination. It was as if the ground vanished below her and she was flying upwards towards the summit where she could see where all the Horde bots were. How she needed to destroy them.

And then she struck. She brought the metal staff down onto an invisible enemy. The folding staff wasn’t her chosen weapon, and she kept using it like a sword out of habit, but she hadn’t forgotten that one day she might lose her abilities as She-ra. That one day she may not be the hero everyone needed anymore. And even then, she needed to be able to do something, to hold her own even without the sword. It was more a fear than a motivation, but it pushed her into rigorous training in any free time available. And since she had time to kill before the next princess meeting, she figured that she would hole herself up in one of the rooms and train.

Catra meanwhile, couldn’t quite take her eyes off Adora. This was the first time she had seen Adora fight, even though she couldn’t quite see what Adora was fighting. She appeared to be hitting and striking at an invisible opponent, and just for a brief moment Catra wondered if she should jump in to help. Not that she would be of much help.

“Catra!”

Adora looked...almost embarrassed.

“That was pretty cool,” Catra laughed, emerging into the room.

“Not really.” Adora frowned. “I keep getting things wrong without my sword.”

“Well, who are you going to fight?” Catra asked.

Adora froze. _What am I going to say_ ? _That I was going to fight the Horde, which was practically our home until I left to join the princesses which are definitely the good guys but you didn’t join us and I was hurt and then you were hurt and then both of us got hurt and we’re constantly waging war against each other only to result in this whole memory loss thing_?

“Did I know how to fight too?” Catra interrupted her panicked train of thoughts.

“Huh? Oh yeah, yeah you did,” Adora said. “You were pretty good at it too.”

Catra’s face lit up in a weird way, which made Adora wonder if she should be worried. 

“Do you think I can still fight like you do?” Catra poked at Adora’s staff. 

The question caught Adora off guard.

“I mean, you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to…”

“Maybe your muscle memory would take over,” Adora said quickly.

“Maybe.” Catra was still staring at the staff.

“Care to try your hand at it?” Adora tossed her the staff. “I promise to go easy on you.”

“Oho, the challenge is on.” Catra tried a few test swings. It felt sturdy.

“But maybe we shouldn’t use that first.” Adora took back the staff and tossed it aside.

“Oh? Is this hand-to-hand combat?” Catra shifted her weight from one foot to another. She wasn’t quite sure what she was doing agreeing to this. But somehow it felt like something she would do if she still had her memories.

“Think of it as sparring,” Adora explained. “Where you don’t hit too hard. It’s all about the motions, about the technique.”

“Well, I don’t know any technique, but I’ll try it.” Catra shrugged.

“Okay, we’ll start off like this,” Adora said, dropping into a fighting stance. “It keeps you steady and grounded so you don’t fall over every time you punch.”

Catra followed her stance, bending her knees slightly and keeping her feet slightly apart just like Adora showed her. It felt right, like she had done this before. Maybe she had, but she wouldn’t know yet. She put her hands up.

“Great, now we move towards each other and try to land a blow,” Adora breathed, staring to advance towards Catra. 

“Got it,” Catra said as they circled around each other.

Adora threw the first punching motion.

Catra dodged it easily enough. She had no idea what she was doing, but all she had to do was try to land a blow on Adora while avoiding the punches. She seemed to be doing okay, like her body was used to this whole sparring thing.

She thought it seemed simple enough.

And then a few moments later she wasn’t thinking the same thing anymore.

Adora had easily gotten a few blows in when Catra’s stance opened up, catching her off guard. Catra stumbled over backwards, tripping on the edge of a rug. 

“Hey, no fair,” Catra protested, making no move to get back up. “You said you would go easy on me.”

“Any easier and I’d be a pushover,” Adora joked.

“Again.” Catra leapt back to her feet, feeling the competitive burn when she saw the amusement on Adora’s face. Now this felt familiar.

“You’re on.” Adora squared up for another round.

This time, Catra let herself go to her instincts and her reflexes. They kept her moving, dodging and blocking, even though her movements were sloppy and unrefined. She still managed to hold her own against Adora’s quick shower of light blows, twisting and turning like her body was used to it. She lasted longer for this round before falling to the ground.

“Another round,” Catra insisted.

Adora obliged.

They were starting to fall into a comfortable routine, the familiar exchange of friendly blows and the little competitive dance of dodging they did was bringing back memories that Adora didn’t necessarily want to forget. The Horde may have been a terrible place for her, but she couldn’t deny that it was where the happiest memories she shared with Catra lay. 

They used to spar like this too back in the training rooms. Back then, they were still best friends. Best friends who grew up sparring together, competitiveness shooting through their veins. They took competition like it was fuel, like it was water to quench an unsoothable thirst. They used to live and breathe competition, and instead of pushing them apart, it drew them closer together in a way that Adora had never experienced with anyone else even when she came to the Rebellion. It kept things interesting, it kept her sharp and limber and on her toes, it kept the fire going in her soul. Adora had forgotten how much she missed this streak of competition that Catra ignited inside her, but she was slowly starting to remember.

She had missed this kind of friendly fighting. Not the kind where the both of them were just getting more and more frustrated with each other. Not the kind where they could feel the weight of a war pulling them apart. Not the kind where they could hurt each other, and even  _ wanted _ to hurt each other. Not that kind.

Catra loved this feeling. She felt like she could do anything. There was a warmth racing through her entire being, her heart pumping like she had never felt so alive. She didn’t know why she wanted to win this sparring thing so badly, but she did. There were no stakes, no rewards, no urgency, but it felt right that she wanted to get the better of Adora. Judging from Adora’s focused yet relaxed motions, this was a dance that they had done before. And it made Catra feel good knowing that she was getting to do something that she had once done before. It made her feel closer to who she was before, even if she didn’t know who that was.

Most of all, it made her feel closer to Adora.

“Hah!” Catra ended up pushing Adora over the rug as they both tripped and rolled into a tangle of limbs on the soft, hairy material. Catra was now lying on top of Adora, the both of them breathing heavily. 

Adora couldn’t move. She dared not breathe too hard either. Not just because Catra was pinning her to the floor with her full weight, but because she was almost certain that if she moved, Catra would hear her heart beating faster and faster. 

Catra was staring at her now. The smile had fallen off her face, a look taking over that Adora didn’t know what to make of. It was softer, and more surprised, and she dared not describe it as _tender_ , but that’s what it was.

“It’s not a win if you fall too,” Adora broke the silence, trying to fight the flush creeping onto her face.

“Is so!” Catra exclaimed. She couldn’t help but laugh a little at the indignant expression on Adora’s face.

And then they were just sitting there laughing and laughing. Every time they almost stopped, one of them would snort and set off the laughter again. Adora was laughing so hard that her cheeks hurt and tears were about to come out of her eyes. Catra was trying to get herself off Adora, but everything was suddenly so ticklish to her, and that made Adora realize how ticklish it was too, and then they were both screeching and laughing even harder.

Adora hadn’t laughed this hard in so long.

Catra didn’t know if she had ever laughed this hard.

And right there, in that one room in the castle of Bright Moon, a spark had reignited. A spark that the both of them had forgotten in different ways. A spark that would soon cause a fire, a fire that fuelled their very being and lit up their days. 

But what would happen if the same fire consumed them whole?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I update every week, stay tuned.


	8. pink petunias

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> who is the mystery lady?

Catra had started to wander the parts of the castle that weren't the long corridors and the rooms. When she had first walked outside the doors, tentative and uncertain whether she should have done that or not, she was marvelled by the feel of sunlight on her skin. It felt warm and fuzzy and good, and she wondered how long it had been since she had gotten sun like this. It felt like a whole lifetime ago when she had felt something like this.

Adora was off again, and she had left the castle before Catra could wake up and ask where she was going. She found it awfully suspicious, but she was sure that Adora had her own reasons. Catra had made peace with the fact that she was content to occupy herself with learning everything about the place. The progress she had made familiarizing herself with the castle grounds brought a slight comfort to her days. She had learnt many things, like what position is the best to sleep in, what kind of clothes she liked wearing, what kind of food she liked eating. She hadn’t tried many foods yet, even with the lavish castle pantry stocked to the ceiling. She found the choices overwhelming, frankly. She ate whatever Adora ate when she came back into the castle, which had to led to some very exciting discoveries, like the time she learnt about _cake_. 

On this fine morning, Catra had found herself on the balcony. The place was quiet and calm, with a slight burbling coming from a fountain somewhere and the occasional chirping of an animal that Adora had told her was a bird. The balcony was soaked in a soft sunlight, diffused through the purple leaves of trees planted all around. If she inhaled, she could smell something sweet and earthy, and the fresh morning air would fill her lungs. She had come to realize that she liked quiet mornings.

And then there was a giggling. Someone was laughing. 

Catra’s ears perked up. She followed the sound, clear and ringing, to the edge of the balcony. It was coming from somewhere beside the castle, below where she was right now. There was no way to get down there, but that wasn’t going to stop her. 

Catra leaned over the parapet and looked down. There was a tiny ledge just right below where she was standing. She knew it was a bad idea, but she propped herself up on the parapet, swinging her legs over such that she dropped onto the ledge. A pillar sat slightly to the right, and she inched nervously towards it, hoping that she didn’t lose her footing. Before she knew it, she was sliding down the pillar and landing on the ground in some sort of courtyard.

Here was where the burbling sound got louder. There were fountains built into the walls on both sides, and a walkway through the middle. The water flowed clean and clear, easy streams shooting out of the walls and into the mini pools. The sunlight glinted off the surfaces, reflecting colors of all kinds into her eyes.

There was that laughing again.

Catra didn’t know if she was supposed to be here, but she followed the sound anyway. She followed it through the walkway, and through a little gate with ornate embellishments in the frame that were the same color as the castle walls. She found that the ground beneath her feet got softer. She was standing in something fuzzy and soft and slightly damp. And it was _green_. That’s new.

Catra’s head snapped up at the laughing sound which came again. It was much clearer now, and there seemed to be more than one source of laughter. There was still the delightful giggling sound from earlier on, but there was also a more throaty laugh, more like a guffaw. 

She found herself drawn to the sound, wandering over the green ground which felt nice under her feet. She wandered around for a while before she found a clearing, one that was surrounded by more trees than she had ever seen. The trees here were squatter and shorter, and they bore flowers. There were flowers of almost every color, bright and vibrant, even colors that she did not know the name to. They lay undisturbed on branches and between leaves, staring at her from their perches. A mixture of pleasant floral scents rose up to meet her, tickling her nose with promises of something sweet and light.

This time, she heard muffled voices. 

She walked a little further and parted the row of hedges, sticking her head in and looking around carefully. 

“Catra!”

Catra turned just in time to see Perfuma scooting quickly away from Scorpia, who was trying very hard not to blush. 

Suddenly she had the feeling that she was interrupting something.

“Sorry, I’m going to excuse myself,” Catra said immediately, eyes shooting eide open.

“No, wait!” Scorpia called after her. She shot a look towards Perfuma to ascertain that it was okay. “We’re going to be doing some meditation, would you maybe...want to join us?”

“Meditation?” Catra stepped back into the clearing, the foreign word catching her ears and her attention. She had never heard of anything like that before. “What’s that?”

“It’s a technique to help you be mindful,” Perfuma regained her composure, tucking her hands over her lap and offering Catra as welcoming a smile as she could. “It helps you be at peace with yourself and your surroundings, and I think that everyone should try it at least once in their lives.”

“Hm.” Catra took their invitation as a cue to walk closer to the mat. They were in some sort of clearing, surrounded on a all sides by bushes, and a little gazebo sat off to the side. It wasn’t that far from the castle, but it was still pretty secluded and she wouldn’t have found it if she hadn’t followed the laughter.

“Sit down,” Perfuma offered, shifting to make space for Catra.

She sat down hesitantly, glancing towards both Perfuma’s and Scorpia’s faces just to see if they were really okay with her being here.

“Are you sure I’m not interrupting anything?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“No, no you’re good,” Perfuma cut in with a reassuring smile before Scorpia could open her mouth. She pointed to the green stuff. “We were just...admiring the beautiful scenery here, like this grass!”

 _Oh, so that’s grass_.

“Okay...so what is this meditation thing?”

“Perfuma’s been teaching me too, it’s actually really relaxing, almost to the point where I feel like I’m drifting off to sleep,” Scorpia explained excitedly, flailing her pincers in the air. “Well, I’m always trying not to sleep during our sessions, and I’m getting better at it.”

“You just focus on your breathing like this.” Perfuma settled into a comfortable position, her legs tucked in and her back straightening up while she closed her eyes, both hands placed over her knees. “Be prepared to sit still for a while.”

Catra followed suit, opening her eyes occasionally to sneak in looks at the two princesses. She wasn’t quite certain where this was going, but there didn’t seem to be talking involved, so she was a little grateful for that. She wasn’t sure if she could handle conversation right now.

“Focus on your breathing,” Perfuma said, her voice steady and even. “It’s all about the inhale and the exhale, following the rhythm of your breath.”

Catra tried to focus on her breathing. Her mind wandered to her senses, the fresh and crisp morning air drawing into her lungs when she took a deep inhale. She smelled something sharper and more tangy, along with the rich and slightly sweet scent from earlier on, which must be coming from the earth. The air here was fresher, and slightly different from the smells that came from the place with the fountains and the place with the flowers. It cleared her head a bit, and she continued inhaling and exhaling deeply and slowly. 

“That’s it,” Perfuma spoke up after a drawn-out moment of silence. “Think of this as a break, a time for yourself, let any thoughts come into your mind but don’t latch onto any one of them, just let the thoughts flow in and out.”

Catra did as she was told. Slowly, the memories of the crazy past week came flooding instantly into her mind. Snippets of running and walking long corridors, smells and sounds and tastes, places and people. It all came flowing back into her mind.

 _Inhale_.

Adora’s face flashed past. It was an image of her doing her goofy laugh.

Remembering what Perfuma said, Catra didn’t grab onto the memory.

_Exhale._

The world around her was melting into the background, the warm air surrounding her in a hug. Suddenly her thoughts seemed much further away, but her mind was clearer. What an odd sensation. To be both more aware but also more distant. She didn’t know if she liked the feeling, but she didn’t have time to decide before another image came in.

 _Inhale_.

Catra saw a place.

It was a place she didn’t recognize.

Smoke clouded the haze green sky, the barren wasteland peeking vaguely through the smog. She saw piles of broken machinery, not unlike the kind that sat in Entrapta’s lab, but more jagged and rusted over. There was some sort of crater, and there was barely enough light to see. 

Catra gasped softly.

She didn’t latch onto the memory, which meant that she didn’t see anything else or remember anything more. She wondered if that was a bad decision. What if it was someplace important? Had she known this place before she lost her memory?

 _Inhale_.

Before she could let the worry take over, she took another inhale to clear her mind.

But the calm didn’t last long before another image assaulted her mind’s eye.

It was a face, a person this time.

A woman with a mask, a red one with black lines and white eyes carved into it. Dark hair billowed out from behind the mask like black fire, the woman standing in some sort of red robes. A sort of dark aura curled up around her, flaring at the edge of the images. Even with the mask obscuring her face, Catra could see the disappointment and frustration etched into it when she looked into the cold, unmoving face. 

She freaked and fell backwards, the image dissipating from her mind when her elbows hit the soft grass behind her. The world came flooding back into her, the grass, the trees, the sky, the sun, the air. It all rose up and hit her like a wall.

Her breathing had hitched up faster, a pounding echoing through her chest as she tried to inhale and exhale and get back into the position. It was so quiet that all she could hear was the blood rushing through her head, whistling past her ears as she fought to get back up and calm the beating of her heart.

_What was that?_

“Catra?” Scorpia put a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Catra shrugged the hand off, more unnerved than anything.

She didn’t catch the look of slight hurt flashing past on Scorpia’s face.

“I’m fine,” she said. “I just saw something.”

“You saw something?” Perfuma asked. “Like in here with us?”

“No, no.” Catra rubbed her head. “Like...never mind.”

Perfuma looked at her, worry creasing into her forehead.

The two of them drew back, noticing that Catra was starting to panic at the sudden proximity with them. Concerned looks drew across their faces, and they still staring, and the feeling was still eating her up from the inside and-

“You can tell us if you want,” Scorpia said softly, interrupting her momentary panic. “You don’t have to, but you can if you want to.”

Catra nodded, a weird sense of dread freezing all the words up at the back of her mind. There was an uncomfortable feeling bubbling up inside her, seizing her every thought. There was no way her mind would’ve thrown up an image like this and have it evoke such a strong emotional response inside herself. She didn’t even know who she just saw, but she knew that it was not her imagination.

It was a memory.

“I--” Catra stumbled to her feet. Her vision spun a little as she turned around. “I’m going to head back, you two can continue. I’m sorry.”

“Catra--”

Catra ran.

She made her way back through the bushes and stopped by the fountains. She knelt down to one of them and splashed the warm water on her face, which did a little to ease her mind back into a thinking state. She started feeling more grounded, like she was actually back in the world as an actual living breathing entity, instead of the confusion that had hazed over her mind. Her breathing started to settle, and her heart stopped threatening to beat out of her chest.

She sat in silence for a long while, alone with only the soft burbling of water in the background to soothe her nerves. She put off thinking for a while, instead focusing on her senses again, drawing herself slowly back into her surroundings. Feeling the warm stone floor beneath her feet. Hearing the gurgling water. The sun soaking back into her skin and pulling her back.

She checked to see if anyone had followed her but they hadn’t, not that she had been expecting them too. Even if she had told them about what she had saw, there was no confirming that they would understand, or if they even knew who the woman she saw was. Maybe they did know, and that were hiding something from her, which was probably likely, given how everyone tiptoes around her with a tension that did not go unmissed. There was something about her that didn’t fall easy with everyone else. Adora was the only one who was acting close to normal, and even then, there was still the brief flash of something gone unsaid every time she was around Catra, the slight hesitation when they talked. It bothered Catra to no end.

The image of the lady was still seared into the back of her mind, and she could not muster up any sort of an explanation as to who she was. She must’ve known this lady before she lost her memory, even if she hadn’t seen her around. And the lady must not have been too pleasant for her to be feeling this riled up.

Whatever this feeling was, she knew one thing was certain.

Catra had to find out who she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I update every week, so stay tuned.


	9. moonstone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Catra wants to find out why the moonstone is glowing.

Catra couldn’t bring herself to ask it.

Every time the perfect moment snuck up on her time spent with Adora, she just couldn’t bring herself to ask the question. They were having dinner and talking about food when the conversation had slowed to a lull, the perfect opportunity for her to spring the question on Adora. But it was like something in the back of her mind was stopping her from asking who the shadow lady was, something niggling and paralyzing, something that ran deep. But Catra could not figure out what it was for the life of her, she just knew she felt the overwhelming need to refrain from asking questions before she was ready for the answers.

And damn if she didn’t think she was ready for answers. She had been searching for answers the whole time, trying to find out who she was before the amnesia, before she woke up. She had been asking around, sneaking in questions and inferring from reactions and faces. But as her time in Bright Moon grew longer and longer, Catra had found a new sense of calm that she never thought she would find without her memories. Her days in the castle were repetitive, but there was a quiet rhythm that she was sure wasn’t there before she lost her memories. It was as if she had never taken a break in her life, and something about simply wandering around and learning things about her surroundings was so comforting. Like there was no obligation to care about anything big, or worry about all the problems that she couldn’t remember. It was like she had forgotten the weight of the world, and she decided that a little longer in this solace would not do her any harm.

So she kept wandering. Every day, she explored a new part of the grounds outside the castle. She had been through all the extensive gardens and balconies, all the alcoves and little gazebos, all the fountains and the lawns, but there was still so much more of Bright Moon that she hadn’t seen yet.

As expected, Adora had already left for the planning room when she woke up. The room was quiet, and a little empty. If she leaned back into the bed, burying her nose into the covers, she could smell Adora. The lingering traces of Adora, as if it was Adora herself leaving Catra a part of her in the room so that she wouldn’t be alone when she woke up. Either way, Catra still wished she could wake up to the real Adora next to her.

But today she felt strangely okay with the lack of Adora in the room. Adora was probably avoiding questions, and Catra? Well, she didn’t know if she should be asking so many questions. Everything seemed more complicated than it looked. It was like a dance they did, avoiding each other with the questions. Their interactions were becoming more and more restrained as they started running out of things to say that didn’t involve Adora accidentally leaking information or Catra being confused about something she should remember. Clearly the both of them weren’t ready for Catra to find out everything yet, so she was trying to deal with it herself in her own time.

She got up and walked over to the closet. The sunlight was already creeping in through the large windows. Adora kept a bunch of clothes in the closet, but she only practically ever wore one or two outfits that looked the same, so the rest was open for Catra to choose from.

She had mixed feelings towards the luxury of choice she had when it came to dressing herself and eating and deciding what she would do for the day. On one hand, it was a nice feeling to be able to choose what you want, but on the other hand it was overwhelming to have to make a choice. She mulled her feelings over as she picked out a maroon linen blouse that sat loose and easy on her shoulders, and pants that made her feel like she was about to embark on an adventure. She was still learning what colors worked on her, and what clothes went with which. She had tried her best to remember what her style was like before the amnesia, but it was getting nowhere.

Catra dropped by the pantry on her way out, and as usual she peeked around the door just to see if anyone was inside. After she ascertained that no one was there to disrupt her rummaging, she rifled through the cupboards, searching for the colorful cereal that she had come to grow fond of. She figured out that she had a sweet tooth, and she couldn’t get enough of sugary foods. Shovelling cereal into her mouth, she headed out the side gate.

Her eyes immediately fell upon the Moonstone.  _ It’s glowing _ . That was new. Blue-white opalescent light pulsed in a ring around the huge stone, exuding a power and radiance that made her feel a little funny inside. She had never seen it do that before.

Before her logical mind could stop her, Catra padded along the bridge linking the castle to the spire. She took a moment to drink in the morning air. It was quiet out here, with the occasional chirping of something Perfuma had called a bird. She looked back at the castle, the gleaming exterior starting to light up with the sun, getting further and further away from her. She wondered if it was worth wandering out this far, but she had already made it all this way. She kept looking back over her shoulder, half-expecting someone to pop out of thin air and ask her what she was doing. 

Well, what was she doing? She was only here to find out what the light really was.

Catra didn’t quite understand how the stone hovered above the tall golden spire, but she felt the pull towards it.  _ It’s glowing _ . She was entranced by the blue-white opalescent light that pulsed in a ring around the huge stone.  _ That’s new _ . Now it made her even more curious to see the stone up close. She had never seen anything like it, she was sure of it.

When she arrived at the base of the spire, she was stumped. She checked again, walking the whole round back and forth. She couldn’t be seeing right. There was no way up there. Not even a door, or some kind of staircase or ladder. It was just gleaming smooth gold, like the exterior of the castle walls. No indent, no mark, no border. Nothing to indicate a way to get up there.

Catra frowned.  _ Was this a sign for her to turn back?  _

There couldn’t no way to get to the stone. She had heard slivers of history and Adora’s brief explanations of how important the stone was. She didn’t quite catch what the purpose was, but that’s what she was here to find out. Surely there were castle staff who needed to go up there to do...cleaning or something. Either way, she refused to believe that it was impossible for anyone to reach the stone.

She wasn’t giving up that easily.

After an extremely long moment of confusion and exasperation, Catra decided that the only way up was to  _ climb _ . 

With a running jump, she latched onto the side of the spire, digging in with her claws. She yelped slightly, already sliding down the slippery sloping curve of the spire. That was gonna leave a mark. Both on her and the spire. She honestly couldn’t give too much of a shit right now. All she could think about is the curiosity thrumming through her thoughts. If there was anything she had figured out in her time here, it was that her curiosity was like an unquenchable thirst. She was always looking for more to satisfy it.

It took a bit of scrabbling and wrestling with gravity, but she finally found a workable pace as she inched her way up the side of the spire. She was practically hugging the thing awkwardly, trying to find purchase with her hands. She mentally whispered an apology to whoever fixed these things, but the scratches she left behind as she scrambled upwards bit by bit were evidence of her determination. She really was curious.

It took her a really long and cautious time, but she finally reached the top. When she looked back down, she was kind of impressed with her own feat. Now she was really high up, almost as high as the higher levels of the castle, and she could see most of Bright Moon from here if she leaned out a little.

And then the pulsating started again, more intensely this time.

Catra froze.

Someone was here with her. 

She darted across to the stone, leaning in closer and straining her ears. There was no sound around, but she was certain of it. That she wasn’t the only one here.

She started making a round around the large stone. It was even bigger up close, and she briefly wondered how anyone even got the damn thing up here. She could see that the stone was actually a little translucent on the surface now, but she still dared not touch it in case something bad happened. 

And then she saw a figure.

Catra drew back, watching from a safe distance.

It was Queen Glimmer.

She knew she was walking in on something, but Catra could not look away from the curious scene. The queen was absorbing the light pulsating out of the stone, the glow painting her skin a pale teal, her back to the stone and to Catra. She also seemed to be emitting some sort of light of her own, the white pulling and soaking up the bluer light from the stone, the power mingling into an ethereal mix around her. Catra could not see her face, but Glimmer looked calm and at peace, her shoulders relaxed into an easy posture.

Catra couldn’t help it. She was entranced. Entranced by both the sight of the light, and the feeling of sheer power highlighted by a wave of calming energy that the stone was offering. She didn’t know what Glimmer was doing, but it was working wonders in terms of calming the voices plaguing her own mind. She relaxed into the waves of energy seeping into her nerves, soothing them out in a way like never before.

“ _ What _ do you think you’re doing?”

Catra jumped.

“Oh my god. I knew it!” Glimmer gasped. “I knew you were faking it!”

“What? Faking what?” Catra moved forward, only to reel back when Glimmer threatened to shoot her with whatever weird energy situation she had going on.

“You’re trying to steal the moonstone,” Glimmer accused, narrowing her eyes.

“You’re scaring me,” Catra said, trying to rise up to her full height to gain some semblance of control back. “Also have you seen the size of this thing?? How is  _ anyone _ supposed to steal it?”

“I meant the power, you’re trying to steal my powers,” Glimmer insisted, a dangerous note creeping into her voice.

Catra could tell she was really agitated.

“No, I’m not!” she yelled defensively, trying all sorts of gestures to get Glimmer off her back. “I don’t know what’s going on with your power thing but I’m not here to steal anything!”

“Then why are you here?” Glimmer advanced closer towards Catra with her hands outstretched into an offensive stance, ready to blast the nine lives out of her at any given second. There was a fixed scowl on her face, and even when dressed up in pink and purple, she still looked like she could wipe Catra straight off the face of Etheria.

“I’m just here to see why the thing’s glowing! Honest!” Catra backed up and threw both hands up, fully aware that she no longer had any form of higher ground here. 

“You’re  _ lying _ ,” Glimmer spat. 

“I’m really not,” Catra said, looking back to see the edge drawing closer and closer. 

Glimmer did not put down her hands, but she stopped moving forward at least. She was still glaring a hole through Catra’s head.

Catra sighed in relief internally, noting how close she was to falling off the spire. She may like high places, but that didn’t mean she particularly favored falling off them.

“Look, I know you hate me or something, but if I wanted to steal something, don’t you think I’d be more sneaky about it?”

“You could be pulling some reverse psychology trick, who knows what your kind can get up to?” Glimmer huffed, hands still up, although her scowl had settled a little.

“Well, if I really wanted to steal whatever power you’re talking about, I’d pull a reverse reverse psychology trick so it wouldn’t be immediately obvious,” Catra started. She was trying to process what “your kind” meant but she came up short.  _ What kind? _

“Well, how do I know that you telling me that isn’t just a reverse reverse reverse psychology trick to get me to trust you?” Glimmer squinted.

“First off, my head hurts just thinking about that, and in order for that to work you would be pulling a reverse reverse psychology trick which I am outreversing with a reverse reverse reverse psychology trick so that your psychology doesn’t trick my psychology trick.”

Glimmer balked.

Catra’s brain may have just short-circuited.

“Okay! So not the point,” Glimmer burst out, waving her arms around trying to clear up their mutual exasperation. “How did you even get up here in the first place?”

“How did  _ you _ get up here in the first place?” Catra asked, more confused than anything. “You couldn’t have climbed up here too right?” 

Not that she was making assumptions, but Glimmer did not look like the type to be scaling the walls of spires anytime soon. She wasn’t exactly dressed for the job either, her dress made of the flowy material that Catra couldn’t remember the name of.

“Too? You  _ CLIMBED _ ??” Glimmer’s hands shot up in a gesture of confusion and bafflement, before realizing that she was still trying to interrogate one very confused Catra.

“You didn’t??” Catra asked back, her hands flying up too.

“There are stairs!” Glimmer yelled. “I can’t believe you actually climbed up so far!”

“What? Where?” Catra looked around, trying to find some visible exit, but there was still no door in sight. 

“Okay, they’re emergency stairs so I teleported up here, but that doesn’t change the fact that a staircase exists in this spire,” Glimmer explained. Then she frowned again. “But you don’t need to know that!”

“Well, now I do.” Catra folded her arms, a little more at ease now that Glimmer looked as baffled as she was.

“Ugh,” Glimmer sighed. “Are you seriously not trying to steal anything?”

“Nope,” Catra said. “I don’t know what to tell you man.”

“Okay...I can’t go back to recharging now that I have to keep an eye on you,” Glimmer sighed deeper, more to herself than to Catra. “It’s like I have to babysit you or something.”

“Recharging? Is that what you were doing?”

“Yes,” Glimmer said, sitting back down, her eyes still following Catra. “I’m recharging.”

“What’s that do?”

“It clears my mind and gives me my powers,” Glimmer said briefly. “Now can you stop bothering me?”

“Is it something like meditation?” Catra asked, completely ignoring Glimmer’s attempt to chase her away. “I tried something like that with Perfuma.”

“Yes, kind of.” Glimmer blinked. “Wait, you did meditation with Perfuma?”

“Yeah, I kind of got dragged into it,” Catra said.

“Ha, classic Perfuma,” Glimmer snorted. “We’ve all been dragged into meditation with Perfuma before. Well, except Scorpia, who invites herself.”

“Well, I kind of that one found out the hard way,” Catra admitted.

“Oof,” Glimmer flinched. 

“I  _ know _ ,” Catra groaned. “And they were just  _ there _ when I walked in.”

Glimmer snorted and slapped her knee. She too had walked in on one too many overaffectionate makeout session, and knew the familiar slap of mortification that Catra was experiencing right now. 

Most of the tension had dissipated between them, but the air had fallen silent again.

Catra felt like she should say something to ease the silence.

She had always knew she wasn’t close with Glimmer, but she had decided earlier on that there was no harm in trying to befriend her, even if she was short-tempered and held some sort of unknown grudge towards Catra. She wondered what she had done to make Glimmer so angry. But unfortunately she could not apologize for it, for she did not know what it was. All she knew was that it must be bad if Glimmer was always so grouchy around her.

“Well, I saw something when I meditated,” she offered.

“What did you see?” Glimmer asked. “Not that I’m interested, but.”

“I saw a woman,” Catra launched into an explanation already. She was feeling the memory come back into her mind, the shadowy outline and the black hair and the mask. “She was kind of scary and had this booming voice.”

Glimmer turned to look at her, something lurking in the back of the brain. Something heavy. Something that she did not want to bring up. 

“ _ Did you know her _ ?”

“No, I don’t remember…” Catra said. It was the truth. “I know it was a memory though.”

Glimmer would be lying if she said she didn’t expect something like this to happen. Of course something was bound to happen. She didn’t know why she was expecting Catra to remain the unaware and clueless Catra that she had become over the course of the past week or so. She was bound to regain at least some of her memories eventually.

“Tell me what she looked like.” She hoped to all of Etheria that it wasn’t who she thought it was. 

“She had a mask.”

_ Uh oh _ .

“And she had this weird floating black hair situation going on, I don’t know,” Catra continued. “Wore red. She was angry. That’s all I remember.”

Glimmer’s face darkened.

Of course it was Shadow Weaver. Of course Catra would remember Shadow Weaver. Of all the things Catra could remember, of course it was someone like Shadow Weaver. 

This was a mistake. She had always knew she couldn’t trust Catra, even an amnesiac version of Catra. Even after all the whole mess of Catra being Catra without remembering the Horde, she was still a Horde solder at her base. She was still the enemy. It was foolish of Glimmer to think that she could ever try to be friendly towards someone who she would never let into her midst.

She should have never given Catra a chance.

“And why are you telling me this?” she bristled.

Catra’s eyebrows dropped at the sudden hostility. 

“I just thought I-”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Glimmer snapped, her tone grim. “And I don’t want to see your face around here ever again.”

The sudden change in her tone made Catra’s hairs stand up. She knew Glimmer meant she didn’t want to see Catra around the stone anymore, but for some reason it felt like she meant something else. Something bigger. Something dreadful.

“Wait, I was only trying to-”

“Save it,  _ Catra _ .”

Catra froze at the venom injected into the way her name was said. It was like nothing she had ever heard ever since she woke up. Nobody had been this outwardly hostile towards her, and it made her stomach drop not knowing why Glimmer was suddenly so aggressive. 

Glimmer turned around, refusing to face her.

Her shoulders were no longer so relaxed.

Catra’s ears fell.

The silence had never been so loud. There was a sinking feeling in her stomach and the world was suddenly turning and she had never felt this disoriented before. A heavy realization was slowly crawling into her head, wracking through her thoughts and planting a weighty seed of doubt inside her brain. She had come to realize something so obvious yet so disheartening that it made her feel like she was going to throw up. 

_ Catra wasn’t welcome here. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I update every week, so stay tuned.


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